Banned Together

If you are a fan of Mike and Mike in the Morning on ESPN, you know that when they receive disagreeable e-mail comments they will "ban" people from the show for specific periods of time. There have been lifetime bans, month-long bans, and bans for only a day or two. I've decided to take a page from that playbook and "ban" some things of my own.

Lifetime ban to all cheesy furniture outlet commercials. Here in Western North Carolina, the offensive annoyance is Mattress Max. The people on television should not be permitted before the camera. Ever. And they think they are bloody Hi-Larious, with their geeky little promos. ("Mattress Max will save you mo-neeeeeeey!") Um, no. This is not indiginous only to this area, as everyplace I've ever lived had their very own version. (see: "Chuck's Furniture Mart" in Morgantown. You know where it is: "to the right, to the right, to the right of the Morgantown Mall.") Ugh. Go away low-budget, self-produced horrors of advertising. You. Are banned.

Lifetime ban to American Idol and any remnants from said show. I know my bitterness rises from the skeptacular Bo/Carrie finale, but really. I think we know now that the winner of this show is not necessarily the best singer from the group. (i.e. Jennifer Hudson, superstar loser.) So, can we put it to rest? It's on seventeen times a week, it sucks the energy from everything in its path, Randy hasn't given a sounder critique than, "Wow, dog, you are...wow, dog" since Season Two and Paula continues down the incoherent rabbithole in which she is queen of her own little world. To top it off, even I know about Sanjaya and that pathetic crying little tweener in the crowd - and I don't watch the darn thing! Enough already. This is what has created the horror known as The Jonas Brothers. (I don't need proof. I just know that's true.) You are banned, the lot of you. (You too, Jonases. Now, go away.)

Lifetime ban to the Octuplet Mom. Go home and take care of the FOURTEEN kids you now have through artificial means. You asked for those fertility treatments and obviously, that worked out. Right or wrong, I am so incredibly tired of hearing about her and her gaggle of offspring. I understand that these kids might lose in the end, but there are lots of kids out there born with the short straw. It's sad. Life isn't fair. This lady certainly did those kids a disservice and I'm truly sympathetic - for the kids. But can we let her fifteen minutes of fame expire? Please? Banned, I say!

Whoo. I feel better now that I got those things off my chest. So, everyone say it with me now: Banned Together!