Things For Which To Look Forward

I can feel it coming on quickly - though not quickly enough for me. It's almost that time of year: summer. And that can only mean tons of fun to anticipate. Because it isn't here yet, and I am impatient for it, I will make a list of all the things I simply can't wait to do and see and experience during a little thing I'll call SummerTime Extravaganza 2011.

**The dance recital. Yep, in less than a month I will wear some sequins and pull my hair into a curly ponytail with the rest of the teenagers and perform on a high school stage in the dance recital. It's silly and possibly (okay, let's be real: absolutely) age inappropriate. But I don't care one bit. I will never outgrow it or the excitement it brings. All the rehearsals leading up to it, sweating in the early June heat, running dances over and over - there are few things better. I know it will end eventually, but for this year, I will totally enjoy it. (I've never subscribed to this outdated notion of growing up anyway. This is just that belief put into motion.)

**Pool parties. In fact, until it turned into winter again, we already enjoyed this! Who knew that digging up your yard and filling it with water and concrete could turn into instant fun? (Okay, everyone knows it. I'm being flippant.) It's great to get all your friends together and chill out poolside. In fact, I had this great idea to begin my own "Real Housewives of Yancey County" every afternoon, until I had to resign my housewife position and go to work. (My sister, the true "Housewives" expert, tells me that some Housewives, in fact, work at the same time they claim to be Housewives. I just don't know if I have the time to both make a living defending the masses and sip cocktails every afternoon. I'm just not an overachiever.)

**Parkway Playhouse. Need I say more? I didn't think so. Even though I am on play restriction to one show a summer, it will be amazing and those daily rehearsals can't come soon enough.

**Company. Usually my family visits and this summer, a few friends are planning trips south. It's the perfect time to catch up and enjoy all that western North Carolina has to offer.

And that is pretty much how SummerTime Extravaganza 2011 is going to go down. The end.

Things I've Never Done (Though You Should Never Say "Never")

And I don't know if I ever will do any of these things, either. In fact, I don't even want to do some of them, even though it seems socially acceptable to desire otherwise.

**I have never, nor will I ever, participate in any of those numerous Facebook "challenges" - the photo-a-day thing, the 30-songs-in-30-days thing, the other 10,000 things I forget about. It isn't that I begrudge the people who do them. I kind of like seeing some of their choices. It's just that I myself am too lazy to stay focused on something which has no real purpose, yet takes me thinking about it every single day to accomplish.

**I have never watched the original "Terminator" movie all the way to the end. Weird? Probably. Do I regret this? Not really.

**I have never taken an honest history class. (I don't count anything that happened prior to my high school graduation, since I don't consider any of those meetings of individuals "honest classes" in anything...plus, I  truly never had a history class.) I do kind of feel bad about this. My college career was quite enlightening, but I just never needed to take a history class to round out my requirements. It's too bad, since I have an interest in history and would have enjoyed it a lot. I am not regretful enough to go back and do it at this point in my life, but still.

**I've never liked ketchup from the get-go. Not. One. Bit.

**Even though I really, really want to go, I've never been to Europe.

**Even though I really, really don't care one way or the other, I've never been on a cruise.

**I've never eaten Spam. I have sung the Monty Python song by the same name, but the food upon which it is based? It has not touched my list. And I'm fairly confident that, at this point, it never will.

Though one should probably never say "never." Though I just did. And I don't regret it, either. Not. One. Bit.

'Cause Oprah Said So!

I don't really consider myself a true Oprah junkie. In fact, I used to be pro-O, until she fatefully had Bill O'Reilly on her show as an ally, at which time I vowed to never, EVER watch her again. But, like Kathy Griffin likes to say, if you are not with her, watch your back because she can have you killed at her whim. So, I guess I'm on board again, if only for the dramatic episodes where she spends less time patting herself on her own back and more time bringing her audience to tears.

And now, since Oprah is hanging it up after 25 years, I think it's only fair to go back and credit her for the things she has taught me over that time.

**Don't text and drive. This might be the worst possible thing you could do, according to that day's show. I believe Oprah might have you spontaneously turned into a pillar of salt if you dare disobey her. You just should not try and tempt her power. Like she said, if you have to text someone that badly, pull over to the side of the road to do it. And she will know if you don't. Because she sees all.

**Tell your husband "I appreciate you" every day when he comes home from work. This goes both ways, of course. Everyone should tell each other how much they are "appreciated." I admit that sometimes (okay, mostly every single day for the past 11 years) I forget to do it. But, I think I had better get on the stick.

**Make sure you remember this mantra for all time: "When you know better, you do better." I don't really have anything snarky to say about this because it's actually a really good life lesson, especially when you realize that most people genuinely don't know better and that's why they never do better. Sad, but true. Those people clearly should be watching more Oprah instead of doing whatever is keeping them in such sorry states.

**Write in a journal as often as possible. I really did start to do this back in law school and kept a pretty consistent journal of my life for years. I guess blogging is kind of the same thing, but far less histrionic. Oprah would probably not approve.

**If you happen to have a toddler in your car's backseat, try not to forget about it and leave it there to swelter in the sun all day. This happened, fatally, to a poor lady in Ohio. And though she did get on the Oprah show, this is hardly worth it. Here's the point: make sure you "slow down" in your life and don't become a slave to routine - or this could happen to you. (I find it fascinating that a tip to avoid this is to leave your purse on the backseat, so that you have to look back there before locking the vehicle. I know my purses mean a lot to me, but I didn't realize that love and care could save a life!) Seriously, though, that story kind of haunted me - even though I had to extrapolate it to dogs, since I am sans children. Powerful nonetheless.

**Don't write a book, claim it's true, and then admit you made it all up - unless you enjoy being destroyed by Oprah in a dramatic smack-down.

Speaking of said smack-downs, James Frey is coming back for more (Please, ma'am, may I have another?!) next week. Stay tuned faithful viewers - I guess I will!!

I Believe...

In these things, though they might not be the most popular ideas in the whole wide world:

**I believe that 9/11 was an inside job.

**I believe that the football really did cross the plane of the goal line when Big Ben dove for that touchdown in Super Bowl XL - and I've only watched that game roughly 10,000 times so I should know. (And, you know, I'm not biased or anything.)

**I believe that watching shows on MTV (or VH1 for that matter) really, literally could rot out your brain. I also believe that there is no better way to waste your own time or boost your own self-esteem.

**I believe that you can tell everything you need to know about a person with one question: Elvis or The Beatles?

**I believe that adults today think kids today have too much stuff - and when those adults were kids, the other adults thought those kids had too much stuff. It's all relative. And the same percentage of kids will turn out all right as the ones who will turn out to be losers and the stuff doesn't really matter as much as the parenting those adults should be doing instead of bitching about all the stuff they bought the kids in the first place.

**I believe HBO makes the best shows on television, and if I aspired to be a writer anywhere, it would be for HBO.

**I believe this blog post is finished!

Springtime

I used to believe, whole-heartedly, that no season could ever beat autumn as the best ever. Not only do I love the brilliant leaves and crisp,cool air and unique smells, but come on.  It trumpets in the best season of  them all: football season. It's like heaven, only you are alive and it definitely exists. (Except for this year, due to the NFL lockout, which I really. Can't. Talk. About. Right. Now.)

Lately, I have awoken to the bright blue sky and gorgeous green trees of springtime.  Maybe it's because here in North Carolina, as opposed to western PA or wild and wonderful WV, there is actually a real-life season known as spring - not just a few months on the calendar which claim to be so, while the view from the window looks a whole lot more like a slightly warmer winter with (mostly) rain instead of snow. The days are longer and not too hot, but never cold. The rain is usually brief and necessary. The sky is colored something other than gray. It is a marvel.

Sometimes, I think I may have learned to enjoy this time of year even more than the sexier choice: summer. All the life emerging from the wintery blanket of cold and ice is refreshing and wonderful. I feel like I'm emerging too - able to go outside, drink in the breeze and buds...at least until the allergies force me back inside.

Yes, I will always pine for autumn. But, at least now I can do so whilst taking in the majesty of what is around me in the meantime.