Things to Consider if You are Pregnant (Which I am NOT...)

Nothing more random to bring me back to blogging than this!

If you happen to find yourself pregnant and are in any way as infatuated with movies as I am, here are some helpful hints for you to consider:

**Be careful if you are married to an astronaut, especially if he lost two minutes while on a space mission and you are suddenly carrying twins. While I watched "The Astronaut's Wife" I realized you must consider all the possiblities, even those which involve a husband replaced by a space transmission hell-bent on taking over the planet by placing said transmission into two fetuses. This could be the fate of your child/children. So, consider yourself warned.

**Also, on that same line of thinking, be wary of men like Husband-of-the-Year Guy Woodhouse, ala "Rosemary's Baby." If, by chance, you move into a sweet new apartment and the neighbors next door are eccentric old people who host strange parties, give you odd charms filled with smelly substances, and take the pictures off the wall when you visit, you could be in for the same fate as poor old Rosemary. You should never, under any circumstances, accept any chocolatey food from these old people, no matter if they call it "the chocolate mouse" or not. You might find yourself in an unwanted sexual tryst with Lucifer himself and consequently knocked up. Nobody wants this.

**On a happier note, if you are pregnant and like to bake pies, it's a good idea (and therapeutic as well) as long as you aren't married to the creeper of the century, like Keri Russell in "Waitress." Even given that minor setback - which she was able to fix in the end - she managed to create one scrum-diliumptious baked good after the other, all while singing that darling "Gonna bake a pie with a heart in the middle..." song to her unborn daughter. I don't even know how to begin to bake a thing, but it made pies and pregnancy look like an absolutely heavenly duo.

And that, folks, is how I am headed back to the blog! Don't let your guard down, ladies. Seriously.