New Year, New Energy

It's a new year, in case you were too drunk to remember Snooki falling down in that ball last Saturday morning about 12:00 midnight. That means that, though I refuse to resolve or vow any vague, pointless notions, I will put more energy into this blog.

I also will put more energy into various activities in my life, like my brand new business. Because, I have come to realize, if you happen to work for yourself and you don't, in fact, do any work, you will not, in fact, get a paycheck. This is a huge bummer and a blow to my normal work ethic, which has, to this point, been succinctly summed up as : "Just show up, keep your head down, get the work done as quickly as possible so you can goof off the rest of the time, collect those dollars, and go home."

This new idea for getting money is not fun. It is not refreshing. I guess there are good things about it, like the boss won't get on you for being late or waiting an extra five minutes because you wanted to hear the "Stone Cold Lead Pipe Locks" on Mike and Mike in the Morning, or not coming in at all. Of course, the boss also won't be able to pay you anything, either, so it's pretty much a lose-lose. On the bright side, I do get as many unpaid vacation days as I want and if I choose to sleep at my desk in a pool of my own slobber, no one will say a gosh-darn thing. (Not that I've tried that or anything. Honestly, I haven't...at least, not yet...)

There are some other changes on the horizon, like I plan to play less Bejeweled Blitz this year, I no longer plan to take the anti-anxiety drugs, and I have more activities to add to my repertoire. There might be more things, too, but if I show my hand now, then what would I write about in future blog posts? For now, we'll leave it at that.

I'll probably write my next blog post from my new office, just like I used to in the good old days. Of course, I won't be getting paid for it anymore. Depressing.

What is it "they" say about change? Oh yeah, it SUCKS!!

Things to Consider if You are Pregnant (Which I am NOT...)

Nothing more random to bring me back to blogging than this!

If you happen to find yourself pregnant and are in any way as infatuated with movies as I am, here are some helpful hints for you to consider:

**Be careful if you are married to an astronaut, especially if he lost two minutes while on a space mission and you are suddenly carrying twins. While I watched "The Astronaut's Wife" I realized you must consider all the possiblities, even those which involve a husband replaced by a space transmission hell-bent on taking over the planet by placing said transmission into two fetuses. This could be the fate of your child/children. So, consider yourself warned.

**Also, on that same line of thinking, be wary of men like Husband-of-the-Year Guy Woodhouse, ala "Rosemary's Baby." If, by chance, you move into a sweet new apartment and the neighbors next door are eccentric old people who host strange parties, give you odd charms filled with smelly substances, and take the pictures off the wall when you visit, you could be in for the same fate as poor old Rosemary. You should never, under any circumstances, accept any chocolatey food from these old people, no matter if they call it "the chocolate mouse" or not. You might find yourself in an unwanted sexual tryst with Lucifer himself and consequently knocked up. Nobody wants this.

**On a happier note, if you are pregnant and like to bake pies, it's a good idea (and therapeutic as well) as long as you aren't married to the creeper of the century, like Keri Russell in "Waitress." Even given that minor setback - which she was able to fix in the end - she managed to create one scrum-diliumptious baked good after the other, all while singing that darling "Gonna bake a pie with a heart in the middle..." song to her unborn daughter. I don't even know how to begin to bake a thing, but it made pies and pregnancy look like an absolutely heavenly duo.

And that, folks, is how I am headed back to the blog! Don't let your guard down, ladies. Seriously.

Red Sangria and Planters'

Yep, it's 12:30 in the morning/night, I am drinking my second glass of Red Sangria and eating Planters' Peanuts and so you know what that means - or you don't. I'll tell you. It means it is Tech Week at Parkway!

Last year, it became a bit of a ritual when I got home late, late at night after our Tech Week rehearsals: I'd sneak around in the kitchen, put my bags down ever so silently, and tippy-toe into my bedroom (to get my nighties and remove my contacts) and then I'd get yelled at by a sleeping/snoring Scotty P. who vehemently explained, "I WAS NOT SLEEPING BECAUSE YOUR LOUD ASS WOKE ME UP AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHAT TIME IS IT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" to which I'd respond, "Where do you think I've been? We live in Burnsville you know. I was at Parkway," to which he'd sleepily crone, "It's awfully damn late to be out. But good night sweet pea." And then he'd gently creep back into slumber, from whence he had come - despite his claims to the contrary.

Okay, that isn't the point of the story, but he is a light sleeper and just tonight claims that my car door woke him and so my quietness was lost. After all that other jazz would come the true ritual: I'd retire to the dark living room, get my obligatory glass of Red Sangria and can of Planters' Peanuts (with sea salt) and put on some true crime late-night television to settle in with Facebook or the memories of a long, hilarious evening at the Parkway Playhouse. And I would think to myself, "I am so happy right now."

This might all sound completely corny because it truly is. It also happens to be the honest truth. Late nights before the opening of a show at the Parkway Playhoues with my castmates/friends/second family are my favorite summertime treat. I know it's only my second summer and I am relatively green in terms of the long storied history of Parkway, but I don't care. You might be hard-pressed to find someone who loves it quite so much as I do or who feels so passionately it changed their lives so dramatically.

Or, there might be a million of us out there and so be it. Parkway has been around generations and lifetimes before me and I hope it lasts hundreds of years after I'm gone. But before my departure, I hope to enjoy plenty more summers full of new stories and giggles.For now, it's four days until we open "Annie" and I"ve got my Sangria and nuts all lined up. Yippee for me and Summer 2010! I already know it's going to be a good one.

It already is.

Gleeks Unite!

Good golly gee do I love the show "Glee" - more than just about anything else on television right now...except for the precious few last episodes of "LOST" and the fabulous programming on HBO and Showtime. But even those wonderful shows (like "Treme" and "Nurse Jackie" and "The United States of Tara") don't combine random showtunes into their repetoires, which makes "Glee" top of the tops. Plus, Kristen Chenoweth shows up on occasion and she is my big-time singing girl crush, so there you have it and thank you very much.

After all these years of toiling in obscurity, Gleeks like me have a forum in which to unite once weekly. Fans of belting along with Broadway soundtracks, recreating elaborate dance numbers in front of bedroom mirrors, and collecting live production showbills - our time is now! Not only is this show incredibly well done and classy and filled with all kinds of modern gems and obscure classics, it's popular! Go figure. This is not something with which average Gleeks are especially familiar. (If my fellow Gleeks are anything like me, we are more alligned with, say those kids Puck was throwing into the dumpster last week...)

But no more! Even Ol' Scotty P. is a fan, although he limits his showtunes to the one-hour time slot for the show and doesn't feel the need to make it a part of his daily routine. He does not, for example, sing otherwise normal statements, like I might. (Though that could make for a very interesting addition in his line of work!) No matter. It's an awesome pop culture moment for those who love lively bursts into song, witty banter, talented performers, and top-notch writing.

I wish I could attend William McKinley High and join New Directions, too. I wish this show had been around when I attended my own dismal high school, so that my strange fascination with singing and dancing may have seemed less eccentric. (This is still a long shot. I would probably still have been the wierdo outcast - a skill which, though painful at that time has served me extraordinarily well in my adult life. Dare I say it, people may actually like me better for my differences? So, take that high school memories!) These kids are just super great and I love, love, love them as if they were really real. Is that a clear enough statement to express my obsession?

If only there were more outlets to burst into song to express ourselves - in real life, I mean. I bet communication would improve and we would all feel better. Maybe I'm onto something here. Maybe that's why I feel so happy some days, because I have sung my way through life for a while. Maybe we could all take a cue from "Glee" and break into song here and there. It would be fun and captivating to our audiences.

And if that doesn't catch on, that's okay too. I'll still be doing my little solo act here, you can count on it! And, I bet there are other Gleeks out there who can totally relate...

Laughter Is the Best Medicine

Here are some things that made me laugh in the past few days - and goodness knows I do love a good chuckle. Laughter, and finding funny things anywhere, anytime, is one thing at which I am pretty darn good - it is my best friend!

**Re-watching "The Hangover" tonight. This always makes me laugh, no matter what, and so it is no surprise, but I thought it appropriate to begin the list.

**Looking at my pajamas, which happen to be covered in bumble bees and flowers, and making "Buuuzzzziiiinnnnnggggg" sounds while watching "The Hangover." Ol' Scotty thought that was humorous too, in a childish, silly sort of way.

**About 700 things at the first Parkway Playhouse rehearsal of "Annie" last night, none of which would be funny to a normal, mature adult - or anyone other than me and perhaps one or two other choice people. This is just the first of about 700 more rehearsals throughout the summer, all of which will be filled with laughter and hysterics. And I can't wait for that! I don't think there is any better laughter than that which occurs at Parkway!

**The finale of "Survivor" last night. Specifically, Sandra calling out Russell as she wore that tiara. Hilarious. I also supremely loved when Boston Rob said if he could do it over, he'd beat Russell's ass. Priceless...

**A beagle and a chessie. They didn't do anything out of the ordinary, which means there were their naturally rambunctious, hysterical selves. I especially loved Gracie sliding herself under our bed to her "hidey hole" when she saw me put sneakers on to take a walk. (See, she thinks she might have to go on a walk, something which makes her extremely anxious and insane - because she is neurotic and generally "special needs." But, as many who have met her have said, as she belongs to me, she gets it honestly.)

**Ol' Scotty making fun of my black Converse sneakers I wore yesterday. We both had a good guffaw after he pointed out that if I want to ever look older than 12, I might try not wearing those ridiculous shoes. (For the record, I love those shoes and will wear them to death. Plus, my wearing or not wearing them has no bearing on how old others think I am. It's still 12.)

Here's to another fun-filled day of snickers! Hope there are some in it for you, too!

Meandering Day of Loveliness

Today has been just about perfect. I will herein attempt to explain why.

**When I woke up, Ol' Scotty P. had already turned on the television, which is both unheard of (since he claims to not enable my TV addiction) and terrific (precisely because of my TV addiction - which I, like any good addict, vehemently deny.) "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" was on, and I love that movie, so I cuddled up under the covers with my coffee and reveled in its delight. It occurred to me that these are the moments I could not enjoy if I were a parent, but being as I am currently only a mom to dogs, I decided to stop thinking about that and not feel guilty for things which are not my life. I knew it would be a good day right off the bat...

**It was super warm outside - perfect for a sundress and brand new brown, flowery flip-flops. I spent some time at Burnsville's Farmer's Market, buying homemade jams, farm fresh local eggs, and yummy goat cheese. I visited a produce stand for beans and potatotes and peaches, all raised right here in Yancey County. I thought of my old Saturday morning routines in Morgantown, when I would drink a big latte from Starbucks, get a manicure, and then go shopping for things I didn't need. Both are good, though different, and both are, strangely enough, totally me, and I really feel at peace doing both. Surprising and odd how that happens sometimes...

**Seeing how Ol' Scotty P. is feeling a bit under the weather, we took it easy and spent the afternoon in Asheville with my favorite Aussie Russell Crowe on the big screen in "Robin Hood." We adored it. It had just the right combination of bloody action and intriguing story, and the promise of a sequel which I desperately hope comes true. I skipped breakfast to starve myself on purpose, so I got to eat a huge bucket of delicious popcorn, too, which is always a movie bonus. (I have on numerous occasions eaten a huge bucket of popcorn on a stuffed full stomach, because I love popcorn that much. It is much more enjoyable, however, to do it when you are truly hungry. There is your free tip for the day. You're welcome.)

**After the film, we walked across the street to Cold Stone Creamery for a sweet treat. We were both briefly distracted by a case full of chocolate delights, from which we picked a good number for later tonight. Then we each ate the biggest size (Gotta Have It) of heavenly ice cream goodness on the face of the planet. (I recently had such a craving for Cold Stone that I ate a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich for lunch a few days ago. It was not a suitable substitute for Cold Stone, that's for sure. It reminded me of my Morgantown cravings and how I would drive to Cold Stone in any weather, at any time of day or night, to fetch it. I am glad I dreamt up today's plan to get my fix!) We sat outside together and had a delicious time, Scotty with his choclatey chocolate and me with my vanilla and cookie dough concoction of bliss. Nothing is a better lunch than movie theater popcorn and Cold Stone ice cream. (What am I saying? Better lunch? Hell, there is no better meal, period!!) I sure am lucky to have enjoyed that...

**Once we got home, Ol' Scotty went downstairs to wail on his guitar and find his "perfect tone" - which I guess is only slightly harder to track down than the truth about large-scale disasters. (This will make sense in a minute.) I decided it was the perfect time to engage in one of my favorite obsessions: watching 9/11 conspiracy documentaries. While I have long loved to do this, a few days ago I hit the mother load: an entire online site dedicated to top documentaries on every subject imaginable. Thankfully, a large number of these are about the 9/11 Truth Movement. Over the past two days, I have watched approximately ten of them. (Though I understand I am prone to exaggeration, this is an honest number. And I'm not even half-way through the list! Blessed, glorious internet!)

Scotty P. queried whether I had discovered the truth yet. I informed him as I will inform you: Not yet, but I think I am getting closer, and I will die trying, if necessary. He then added that, if the Powers That Be get wind of my obsession, I may very well die trying. If that is the case, then all my cynical, conspiracist musings will likely be proven true, won't they? And that will only serve to further my goal! (I do not, however, want to become a martyr for this - or any - cause. So, let's hope I don't fall to such a fate.)

Right now, I am eating a big, fat, piece of red meat (raised free range, of course) and organic broccoli, questioning the federal government's version of September 11, and watching a peaceful Chessie sleep at my feet as a curious Beagle scours the kitchen for wayward crumbs. We are all content as can be here on a rainy Saturday night, the end to a glorious day.

Life is good.

Wonder Why?

Sometimes I just wonder about things in this world. Ol' Scotty P. doesn't seem too interested in my wonderings, so I just have to get those things out in this blog post...

**When I watch "48 Hours" or "Dateline" or "American Justice" or any of the many, many true-crime stories over which I obsess, I wonder why they feel the need to say "in a hushed courtroom, the defendant took the stand..." or some such thing. What other kind of courtroom is there? Have you ever seen the inside of a courtroom whilst a trial takes place that is raucous or otherwise so engaged? Are there jugglers or clowns or vendors wandering the aisles hawking popcorn and COLD Bud Light? Unfortunately, no. (But, that would be all right by me if there were, seeing how much time I spend in courtrooms.)

By definition - and order - the courtroom is typically hushed. Or the bailiff takes offending parties out. (I've seen several drunks escorted from the courtroom before. At 9:00am. In Avery County. Enough said, if you know anything about Avery County...) And, on top of that, most people inside said courtroom are bored to tears, which tends to lead to silence. So, in the interest of efficiency, I think they can leave that part out of the description. Thank you.

**Why do people think a sticker on the back windshield of their vehicle is an appropriate tribute to a dead person? I can't tell you how many decal crosses and birth-and-death dates I've seen driving down the highway, right next to a Dale Earnhart sticker or "My Kid is an Honor Student" decoration. Seriously, if I died and someone put a decal on their car next to the Pittsburgh Steelers decal, I would be pissed. Because I am anti-tacky. (This also goes for those roadside crosses/memorials. I argue that is littering and should be illegal. I better not see any of this nonsense from the other side or I will haunt you. Consider yourself warned.)

**Why do Facebook users need to update their statuses with things like, "I am REEEAAAALLLLY MAD RIGHT NOW AND DON'T EVEN ASK ME ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WILL NEVER EVER TELL YOU EXCEPT TO SAY I AM REEEEAAAAAALLLLY MAAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!!" (Excessive exclamation points and capitilization intended to copy their over-dramatic emphasis.) These statuses are, naturally, followed by loads of comments like, "OMG - Are you okay?"

Of course the person is okay. They updated their Facebook status, didn't they? So they are clearly not incarcerated, in a coma, paralyzed under a semi-truck, or similarly incapacitated, which would impede their Facebook updates. They are, however, in my humble opinion, attention-seekers who need nothing less than a slew of "OMG - HOW CAN I HELP YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!" comments. What they might need is to be ignored so they might realize their pitiful, childish cries for attention are, um, retarded. There, I said it. This type of behavior is retarded and should result in a lifetime ban from Facebook, thereby eliminating at least one avenue from which these histrionic souls can derive attention.

Okay, for today, these are the most pressing issues I can think about. Until later, then, let the questions continue!